Friday, April 10, 2009
Gordon Gartrelle Offers Odds on the New Beyonce Movie "Obsessed."
I have to hand it to the makers of "Obsessed," the upcoming movie in which Beyonce plays a wife whose husband is stalked by a white coworker with whom he flirted. The creators of this movie certainly have their fingers on the pulse of black women’s anxieties…circa 1992.
What I learned from this trailer: black men cannot be trusted; the white woman is the black man’s kryptonite; white women are scheming and crazy.
I want to offer some odds on whether certain things will happen in this movie.
Odds that the phrase “strong black woman” appears in the movie: 50 to 1
Odds that Beyonce calls the white woman “bitch”: 5 to 4
Odds that Beyonce calls the white woman “white bitch”: 1000 to 1 (they don’t want to make this too overtly racial).
Odds that the black husband actually ends up sleeping with the white coworker: 15 to 1
Odds that Beyonce’s best friend (probably black) will tell her to drop her man: 35 to 1
Odds that one of the black characters says something like “I’m a successful exec; I’ve fought hard to make it”: 3 to 1
Odds that Beyonce has to offer the obligatory “this isn’t about race; it’s about respect” speech in an attempt to absolve the creators of charges of stoking the flames of racial hatred: 7 to 5
Odds that Beyonce says “don’t mess with my man” before she ends up killing or knocking out the white woman: 3 to 2
Odds that the police won’t do anything because the woman is white, blonde and attractive: 2 to 1
Odds that the sequel will be about a DL brotha stalking her man: 10 to 1
Odds that “Obsessed” will be any good: 200,000 to 1
Anybody else want to offer some odds?