I know I am not alone as I express my anxieties about what may come during the next few days. I don't know what is going to happen. I don't know if Obama is going to win on Tuesday. I don't know if he is going to lose fairly. And to wear my allegiances on my sleeve, yes, as though it is a surprise, I am deeply invested in his victory.
I don't expect the sky to open, or our world to radically change. Why? because frankly that is too much to ask of any one man. I am not invested in him because he is a peripheral acquaintance. But, I will admit that it is sort of cool to have gone to the same barbershop and to have spent money at the same supermarket as the likely next president of the United States.
I was talking to Gordon and Zora today, and my compatriots and I have gone back and forth on what to do about Tuesday's election. Gordon has been on me to write something and I have been dragging my feet. Yet, I have been pretty productive as I have avoided his encouragement. I have published two pieces in some pretty prominent places and have gotten a nice amount of attention as a result--another hint to help those who may be trying to figure out my "real" identity. I have done some good research. My "professional" life is moving forward. Most importantly for our purposes, I have written what I feel is one of my best pieces for this site. But you know what? I haven't been able to write about this Tuesday.
It has been said that one of the allures of being a blogger is the ability to publicly share your most personal thoughts without consequence or risk. One of my best friends back in Connecticut, my Virgo twin, says that the attraction of running a website is that we can all be celebrities. I think she is right. Moreover, we can be part of "the blogosphere," or in this case "the black Blogosphere" and feel like we are part of some freedom struggle: look we can write online and be radical and fight for justice, look here! look at us! we are so political! But you know what? As much as we are part of the next generation of some type of Black counter-public, or Left counter-public (or INSERT X counter-public) we are safe through our relative anonymity. No one is going to kill us, there are few material consequences for what we do, and if politics, I mean real "political" action, is action in the face of real consequences for your person, how "political" are we really?
Don't be mistaken, I believe in my heart that we all do good work and are part of a broader community that is participating in meaningful conversations and exchange. That having been said, for this weekend and until Tuesday, I want to pull aside the wall, the screen, the veil that we collectively hide behind. Yes, I am Chauncey DeVega. Yes, I am sincere. Yes, part of why I think this project has been more successful than I could have ever dreamed (and thanks you to all of you, and I/We REALLY mean that) is because me, Zora, and Gordon are committed to being ourselves. And I would like to believe that the many tens of thousands of people who have visited this site have responded to us precisely because of our sincerity and honesty.
However, in wrestling speak, or in the language of folks who run carnivals and circuses, I also believe in what is called "kayfabe," the allusion which makes magic seem "real." In wrestling, they say that you are successful if you take your own personality and turn its volume way up--this is why Hulk Hogan, the Rock, Ric Flair, Stone Cold Steve Austin, Kurt Angle, HHH and many others became legends: there was and is something utterly believable about their personas because these workers are exaggerated versions of themselves. This is the quality that attracts me to certain authors, thinkers, actors, and in this context, bloggers--the idea that some people are just themselves, utterly authentic, just with the volume turned up. This quality is what makes me admire, and I apologize if I miss anyone, Trill, Raw Dawg, Dallas, Darko, Straight, Ta-Nahesi, Undercover, Afronerd, Field, 8th, Werner, and many others.
And guess what? Until Tuesday, I am going to turn the volume a little down. This makes things a little more personal and a bit more intimate. I know I am not alone in being worried about Tuesday and what may or may not happen. But, I want to be "me" as I talk about it.
In that spirit, when I am worried or frightened I have a few songs that play in my head. These songs are my fight songs (and yes I have a martial spirit so they have a certain energy..this probably explains why I have a samurai sword in my bedroom and I make sure to read a selection from the Hagakure each day), the personal anthems that simultaneously calm me and also ready me for battle. It may sound odd to some of you, but when in crisis I feel my hand tighten around some intangible and invisible sword as I prepare for battle. This act gives me strength and comfort.
I really believe that we all have songs like this--maybe the Creator hardwired this capacity to find solace and stability and focus in music into our psyches. Who knows? maybe as we evolved we developed this capacity on our own. When I have gone to give a lecture, or to present in meeting where the stakes where high, I played these songs. When I have gone into situations where I didn't feel prepared I played these songs in order to give myself strength. When I am ready to take care of business, and to destroy my enemies so to speak, I play these songs. When I buried my father, I played these songs.
They aren't "Black" music per se, because we as human beings have a wonderful capacity to borrow and assimilate music (and its varied energies) from places other than our own: most importantly I think this demonstrates how human beings, at least in our best moments, are truly more than the sum of our parts.
When I need to conquer my fears, to get motivated, or the like, I think about the featured songs from the following four movies:
Last of the Mohicans:
Conan the Barbarian:
Of course the song which serves as my ring tone, and is also the inspiration for one of my tattoos, the "Imperial March":
When I reflect on how far I have come in life, and about how much farther I have yet to go:
What do you think about? What is your personal fight song? How and what are you thinking in these next few days?